I used to do this humor bit on Thursdays, a Thursday Thirteen, when I still had a sense of humor. Lately, the Terrible Threes have hit, and I am a bit confused. I thought I wasn't due for rebellion, drama, and "Don't talk to me, Mommy!" for another, oh, ten years. Wow.
That whole unconditional love of a mother is really nature's way of preserving the species, isn't it? That, and they are so gorgeous when they are asleep.
I desperately turned to the pages of Brazelton's Touchpoints for help, only to be met with, "Just as a child turns three, she and her parents are likely to enjoy a kind of second honeymoon. The toddler's negativism and struggles seem to resolve miraculously." Say whaaaat? Obviously, that book is not going to help me here. I put it down quickly.
See, I don't get a lot of time to read much besides work research and food research and food issue research. And more research. My few stolen moments a day with "literature" have been reduced to Curious George and, oh help me, Clifford. I've begun to get very critical of these, uh, books and I have to confess it: I hide the Thomas the Train one when my child is not around. There. I said it.
I also buy books for her that I can stand to read. I must have plot. I know, I'm pushing it for a three-year-old, but Mommy needs a break on this one. If you hear me, in the way that Other Moms (and Dads) do, you know what I mean. Here's a book list for us all:
The Paper Bag Princess
If you have a little girl, punt the Disney princesses out and get a real grrrl on the throne.
How I Became a Pirate and Pirates Don't Change Diapers
The illustrations are great, and you get to make the pirate voice, which is kinda therapeutic after a long day. "Arrgh!" I actually say that at work, too. Followed by a bit more sailor talk.
Skippyjon Jones and Skippyjon Jones and the Big Bones
They are about a Siamese cat who thinks he is a sword-fighting Chihuahua. And there is a lot of Spanglish in there so I feel like Antonio Banderas' Puss in Boots from Shrek. But, I sound like a mom trying to sound like ... well, you get the picture. I have these fears that my child will pop out with a cheesy accent and "Because we are full of the beans, too, Dude!" at the most wrong time and place possible. But I cannot help myself. They are fun to read. How sad it has come to this.
Finally, I like the Elephant and Piggy series. Maybe it's because the books are all written as a dialogue between two characters. It's creative and expressive. And, I get to do more funny voices.
It's late. The Kiddo is in bed asleep. I am going to go make sure the Thomas book is still buried, then I am going to call it a night.