Wednesday, May 09, 2007

Thursday Thirteen: Confessions of a Busy Mom

  1. I'm eating ice cream straight from the carton right now.
  2. I let my toddler help empty the dishwasher because it saves me from bending over. Sometimes, I catch her licking the plates. If she doesn't have a cold, I still put them away. (We use the other dishes for company.)
  3. If I ever got stranded in my car, there's enough miscellaneous food on the floorboards for me to survive a week and gain weight.
  4. I used to have the energy for erotic fantasies. Now when the hot stranger arrives in my dreams, all I want him to do is rub my feet. While I eat ice cream straight from the carton.
  5. I keep a brush in my desk at work. Not for those quick touchups, but because most days I didn't even have time to brush my hair before getting to work. I do brush my teeth, though.
  6. I quit wearing socks as soon as it gets above 50 degrees. Not just because I hate socks and shoes, but because I can rarely find a match. In the winter, I wear a lot of boots. No one can see my socks.
  7. I used to think women who put on makeup while they were driving were terrible drivers. Now I just understand the desperation to try and look decent, and not having the time.
  8. I have fallen asleep in a meeting. Sitting next to our CEO.
  9. After months of going nuts trying to keep my child from eating off the floor, I gave up. Now, if it's part of a cookie lying there, I just try to eat it first. If we got a dog, I might weigh less.
  10. I remember characters on Sesame Street having some depth. Even Kermit had a few lonely moments singing, "It's not easy being green." I don't know what to think of Elmo. It's like everyone on the whole friggin' street got a lobotomy.
  11. I take vacation days so we can clean out the garage and basement. I look forward to this vacation.
  12. I keep tons of lists so that I can remember all the things I need to get done. I can't remember where I put the lists.
  13. I've bought lottery tickets for weeks now, thinking, if I won, I'd quit work and have time to get my part of the work done around the house! It just now occurred to me, if I won, I could also afford a cleaning lady. I always forget to check the numbers anyway.

8 comments:

Toby said...

I totally get the sock things. I wear boots all winter too so no one realizes I'm not wearing any.

I FINALLY (after four years of parenthood) had the bright idea to put a "sock box" on my dryer. I throw all of the socks in there right out of the dryer. At least now, when my kids need socks, I can dig through the basket and find two pairs that resemble each other!

Alison said...

Okay. That may have been my favorite post ever. Ever. I love the licked-clean plates going in the cabinet, and the forgot-to-brush-my-hair thing, and the food on the floor thing. Because I'm there with you. I mean, I am right there with you.

Alison said...

Oh, yeah. And Elmo has been lobotomized.

The Expatriate Chef said...

Thanks. People always say to me "How do you do it all?" See, now you know the truth, I don't!

Rachel said...

I'm laughing because I recognize myself in all of those posts. My soft-core erotic dream is that a stranger comes and rubs my feet. Hardcore? He also cleans the house. Ohhuuuuhhhhhhmmmmm, oh, yeah, baby.

I'd probably use the licked-clean plates for company, too, BTW.

Food off the floor - yup. Which is why I'm stimied in losing the last eight pounds of baby weight. I finally lost a pound last week - after running 20 friggin' miles. Dog. Gotta get a dog.

The Expatriate Chef said...

Oh, Rachel! I really do need to get to Oz. I think we (and our kiddos) would have so much fun, I'd never want to leave! Cheers!

Rachel said...

You gotta do it. And hey, for you, I'd even make sure the plates were saliva clean!

The Expatriate Chef said...

I'd be right at home, then! :)